Why is it still aching?

Everything’s over, right? There should be no YOU and ME anymore

There should be YOU and HER this time.

The day you broke my heart, the day you made me cry, the day you destroyed my trust, was the day when we were over; supposedly over.

It took a while for me to move on; to recover; to stand up again.

It hasn’t been hard for you because you got her. You got her and I let you go.

I tried so hard to get rid of this pain I was feeling since you left me. I tried hard not to make things complicated for the two of you.

But you made me hold on. You asked me to stay although we knew we couldn’t be the same again.

Things have changed as time passed by. I wasn’t supposed to be hurting anymore. I was supposed to smile whenever I meet you with her.

Because I agreed to be your best friend again, and I agreed to treat her right again.

But I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t try and be nice to someone who stole half of my heart from me. I just can’t smile lightheartedly to someone who took you away from me.

So I couldn’t be nice and because I wasn’t nice, I was hurt more.

Because you tried to make us get along well and made me change myself for her.

But why me? Why should I do it I the first place? Why should I follow you and be nice to someone who stole you away from me.

And due to my bitterness, I became the bad girl; the bad “ex-girlfriend”.

I became bad in the eyes of her friends, in the eyes of your friends. And you know what hurt me more? Because you didn’t stand up for me.

You allowed those people to scrutinize me; to judge me; to make me feel bad.

You tolerated her insecurities and allowed her to spread bad rumors about me; allowed her friends to think ill of me; to believe that I was trying to steal you back from her.

Lately, I was trying to be happy. To forget all about you, all about her, all about us.

But why am I still aching? Why do I still feel the pain in my heart whenever I think about the two of you?

Am I being insecure myself? Am I being like her? Am I being like my rival just because my heart still beats for you?

Do I really have to stay like this? Do I have the right to stay like this? Do you have the right to put me in this misery for almost three years?

I don’t know the answers to my questions anymore. I don’t even know if I would be able to forget you in the future.

But all I know now is that my heart still aches for you and I still get jealous of her.